November 26, 2015

Monster A Go-Go.

Review #756: Monster A Go-Go

Phil Morton (Col. Steve Connors), June Travis (Ruth), Peter M. Thompson (Dr. Chris Manning), Lorri Perry (Girl at Dance), and Henry Hite (Frank Douglas/The Monster). Directed by Bill Rebane and Herschell Gordon Lewis (#752 - Blood Feast)

Happy Turkey Day, everyone. What better way to celebrate then with a this? Once again, I'm covering a movie riffed by MST3K (which will return in the near future), but this movie has an infamous legacy to begin with. Rebane ran out of money to make the film in 1961, but the story doesn't end here. Lewis needed a film to fill a double bill (Naturally, the first film was named Moonshine Mountain), and so he filmed a few extra scenes and dialogue to make the movie "whole". Isn't that a good sign, watching a movie made solely to make money. It's sad how a movie can be so boring, but it's also sad how a movie can look so boring as well. Nothing in this movie is interesting to watch, not even the Monster's makeup is interesting. Having narration (by "Sheldon Seymour", naturally) either means the movie has no foundation of plot on its own, or is a way to pad the movie out. In this case, the narration fulfills both. The first sign of trouble is not the tiny space capsule, nor the audio, nor the laughable song, but the steps in what appear to be a galaxy floor. Seeing those (space-looking) steps try to evoke terror set the tone for what is an awful movie. It's hard to pay attention to this movie largely because of how boring it is. You would have more fun actually looking for a turkey to eat. If this movie had a soundtrack, it would consist largely of pings, which is sadly the only thing in the movie that will stick with you.  I would recommend the MST3K version of this only because that features actual talent. This is a movie that would be an insult to movie making, but that would imply that this was actually meant as a movie to entertain. The ending might be the only thing one will remember from this, because of how awful it is.

If you are wondering, this is the ending.
As if a switch had been turned, as if an eye had been blinked, as if some phantom force in the universe had made a move eons beyond our comprehension, suddenly, there was no trail! There was no giant, no monster, no thing called "Douglas" to be followed. There was nothing in the tunnel but the puzzled men of courage, who suddenly found themselves alone with shadows and darkness! 

With the telegram, one cloud lifts, and another descends.  Astronaut Frank Douglas, rescued, alive, well, and of normal size, some eight thousand miles away in a lifeboat, with no memory of where he has been, or how he was separated from his capsule! Then who, or what, has landed here? Is it here yet? Or has the cosmic switch been pulled? Case in point: The line between science fiction and science fact is microscopically thin! You have witnessed the line being shaved even thinner! But is the menace with us? Or is the monster gone?

Yes, there was no monster. By that logic, there was no review of this movie. I was never here. I may have very well never existed. Movie Night may have been just a dream made by a teenager bored out of his mind during sleep that felt like nearly five years but was in reality just 10 minutes.

Or maybe the movie just stinks.

Happy Thanksgiving. Enjoy turkey (or Turducken), cranberry sauce, stuffing (if you like it, anyway), potatoes (sweet or mashed), ham, dinner rolls, and whatever else you enjoy. And thank you for reading this.

Overall, I give it 0 out of 10 stars.

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