October 7, 2015
The Beast of Yucca Flats.
Review #744: The Beast of Yucca Flats.
Tor Johnson (Joseph Javorsky/The Beast), Bing Stafford (Jim Archer), Larry Aten (Joe Dobson), Douglas Mellor (Hank Radcliffe), Barbara Francis (Lois Radcliffe), Ronald Francis (Randy Radcliffe), Alan Francis (Art Radcliffe), Jim Oliphant (Vacationing Husband), Linda Bielema (Vacationing Wife), and Anthony Cardoza (KGB Driver/Helpful Neighbor) Directed by Coleman Francis.
Usually an independent movie has some resemblance of talent, resemblance of effort that makes you appreciate even the flaws (Like Teenagers from Outer Space), or even just something that makes the movie a non waste of time. This isn't one of them. Talking about the opening scene could be stretched into a minor section of this review, mainly because it is such a waste of a scene...and it's the first scene you see in the movie. It has little to no relevance to the rest of the movie, so why bother even mentioning it? I should note that Tor Johnson (previously seen in #183 - Plan 9 from Outer Space and #537 - Bride of the Monster) is credited as a "Guest Star", which is a weird way to credit someone, but then again that is the least strange thing to talk about. One concept that I'm sure one will notice early on is the narrator that talks about plot details, voiced by who else but the director, Coleman Francis. After noticing that he speaks, you'll watch a scene...and he talks. You'll watch more scenes...he'll talk not long after. It's one thing to have a narrator, but to have one that leaks plot details along with random splotches (examples: Flag on the moon. How did it get there? A man runs...someone shoots at him. Always on the prowl. Looking for something or somebody to kill. Quench the killer's thirst) of other phrases makes it seem like I'm listening to a radio drama.
It should be mentioned that the movie does not have much dialogue spoken...which is attributed due to the fact the movie was filmed with no audio, which means that any time a character speaks, their mouth is usually covered or they are filmed so we can't see their mouth, so that they did not have to sync the audio to their mouth movements. Yucca Flat has actually been described as "the most irradiated, nuclear-blasted spot on the face of the earth", so at least the setting of the movie is not something entirely illogical. Honestly, the movie is just so boring to watch. There is little to no tension mainly because you don't really see Johnson's character all too much, combined with the tremendously boring characters who sound less like actors and more like people just being in a film. It's sad when the only thing that you can say is good is that it only runs 54 minutes. It's not a hard movie to make fun of...but it's not really worth the effort to make fun of it. You could watch the MST3K version...or not watch the movie at all. There is no charm to this movie, no ounce of sympathy you could garner for this movie, because it is as disposable and wasting on one's time more than it is taking out the garbage. Fittingly, it ends with a jackrabbit being caressed by the Beast, possibly a representation of how one needs to pet an animal after watching this movie. I am well aware of the other two films Francis made...I think I'll need a while before I ever touch those two "films", but at least the next movie I watch can't be any worse. It has to be better. This is a real rival for worst film I've experienced on this show right next to other zeros like Birdemic, The Magic Voyage, and Battlefield Earth. Seriously.
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Overall, I give it 0 out of 10 stars.