April 22, 2015

Movie Night: Battlefield Earth.

Review #704: Battlefield Earth.

John Travolta (Terl), Barry Pepper (Jonnie Goodboy Tyler), Forest Whitaker (Ker), Kim Coates (Carlo), Sabine Karsenti (Chrissy), Richard Tyson (Robert the Fox), and Kelly Preston (Chirk) Directed by Roger Christian.

I tempted fate. All I had to say was 'dutch angle', and this is the result. A whole movie with dutch angles. You might be wondering why I mention this after reviewing a movie I liked with dutch angles. Because this one is just terrible. Apparently the angles were put in the movie to give it more of a comic book feel...but the angles seem more pretentiously put there to make the movie seem less terrible, but it only makes it worse. What was I talking about? Oh yeah, this movie. It's awful. Tremendously. Exceptionally. Dutifully. I can't decide what is worse: John Travolta's performance or the inane script. Actually, I think both are equally drivel. So I am to understand that this is supposed to be like Star Wars? Because it seems more like The Phantom Menace's immature cousin instead. I do wonder how the human race in this movie managed to lose the invasion in a matter of minutes to such silly aliens such as these. I realize why Terl decided to educate Pepper's character (to be the foreman for the mine), but that doesn't mean I can't make fun of the fact that he basically signed his death notice by doing that. I have no idea how Whitaker got signed onto this movie, though at least he won an Oscar years after this train wreck, so he has that going for him. At least the movie did one thing right. It won Golden Raspberry Awards. Seven of them, in fact. The movie couldn't even make its budget back, but it at least won a bunch of awards, which I'm sure Travolta is proud of. Actually, this is one of those movie everyone would like to forget. I can't decide whether to give it a 0/10 stars...or a negative rating. But then I realized that it would be an insult to the three zero star movies (Birdemic, The Garbage Pail Kids Movie & The Magic Voyage), and I need to keep my reputation.

I end this review with a line that I'm sure was meant to be taken seriously.
While you were still learning how to spell your name, I was being trained to conquer galaxies!

Overall, I give it 0 out of 10 stars.

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