December 23, 2014
Movie Night: Elves.
Review #680: Elves.
Dan Haggerty (Mike McGavin), Julie Austin (Kirsten), Deanna Lund (Kirsten's mother), Borah Silver (Kirsten's grandfather), Mansell Rivers-Bland (Rubinkraur), Christopher Graham (Willy), Laura Lichstein (Brooke), Stacey Dye (Amy), and Winter Monk (Kurt) Directed by Jeffrey Mandel.
Happy Festivus everyone! And yes, there is a horror movie about killer elves. Believe it or not, this was given a limited release in theaters and then released a few years later to VHS. I don't know what's weirder, the fact that this hasn't been released to DVD or that there's a petition to get it released on DVD. So...yeah. Elves. How do you make a horror film about elves, those little helpers to Santa? Simple, you throw in Nazis wanting super soldiers elves, incest, and virgins into the mix. Yep, it's that kind of plot line. The highlight of the movie for me is Dan "Grizzly Adams" Haggerty. He brings a lot of charm to a movie that doesn't really have much charm to it, and I like his casual performance, but I especially love that beard. It's so cool looking. The rest of the actors seem more like television bit part actors, but they have their moments where they play it a bit over the top, which it is actually pretty funny. The "elves" aren't really featured too much in the movie, it's more about the Nazi/incest plot line then the elves, which sounds bizarre without context. The movie's not anything too special, but I do find it to be stupidly fun to watch. It's kind of like food that isn't really good for you but you eat it and (in a way) enjoy it nonetheless. I call that kind of movie the "The McDonald's Movie". It's a idiotic idea, but it has its quirks and Dan Haggerty to counter it.
If you're wondering about Festivus, my Airing of Grievances is as follows:
Why didn't I do more reviews this year? I've only done 166 so far this year!
Why does AMC keep showing The Santa Clause 2 (#318)? Not even a classic.
Why does AMC show the colorized version of Miracle on 34th Street (#303)? It looked fine in black and white.
Why is their a sequel to Jingle All The Way (#491) with Larry the Cable Guy? Words fail me.
I'm disappointed that I didn't get a 27 on my October ACT. I guess a 26 will do.
Overall, I give it 5 out of 10 stars.