August 4, 2014
Movie Night: Sharknado.
Review #625: Sharknado.
Ian Ziering (Finley "Fin" Shepard), Tara Reid (April Wexler), Chuck Hittinger (Matt Shepard), Aubrey Peeples (Claudia Shepard), John Heard (George), Cassie Scerbo (Nova Clarke), Jaason Simmons (Baz), and a Sharkando full of sharks. Directed by Anthony C. Ferrante.
Let's be honest, the movie is cheaply made, with no name actors*, effects that border on hilarity, and science that makes life look fake...And yet the movie is still awesome to watch. It's a terrible movie, but it is a fun terrible movie to watch, it's not like The Garbage Pail Kids Movie, which is beyond awful and joyless, instead it's a movie that is just so laughable in every aspect, and yet the movie trudges on, not caring what anyone thinks. The fact that this was even made means that literally anything can happen now, which obviously means that in my lifetime the Chicago Cubs will win the World Series*. To say that this is a guilty pleasure is an understatement, and we all have guilty pleasures, mine is watching WWE wrestling*, yours is probably something else that's either more rational, or not. This is our generation's Plan 9 from Outer Space*, this is our movie that we'll laugh at and laugh with at the same time. This is how to spend two hours of your time on a weekend, forget friends, forget exercising, forget logic, and just watch this film*, and when you've finished, thank me the only way you can, keep watching this show. Or you could deliver some shark meat to my house.* To give this movie a rating would be impossible*, this isn't a movie that is good or bad in the traditional sense, it is only a Sharknado.* You can give this movie your own rating, or you can go see the sequel. Or do both.* I hope you enjoyed this review, I sure did.*
*If Tara Reid is an actress, does that mean I'm a goat? Asking for a friend.
**Of course, I could also live to be 100...
***I get to watch people try to act like they're in a soap opera and fight at the same time.
****Minus recycling silent footage from an abandoned movie.
*****Movie Night does not support laziness or anti-logic. I do have friends. I think.
******There is no address, only Zuul.
*******For future reference, we'll say it was a 2.5 out of 5 stars. Or whatever that is multiplied by two.
*********Or do all three.
**********I don't apologize for the *'s.