June 14, 2014
Movie Night: The Pirates of Blood River.
Review #593: The Pirates of Blood River.
Kerwin Mathews (Jonathon Standing), Glenn Corbett (Henry), Christopher Lee (Captain LaRoche), Peter Arne (Hench), Marla Landi (Bess Standing), Desmond Llewelyn (Tom Blackthorne), Oliver Reed (Brocaire), Andrew Keir (Jason Standing), and Michael Ripper (Mack) Directed by John Gilling.
Christopher Lee (a regular occurring actor on this show) as the villain in a Hammer pirate movie? What could go wrong? As it turns out, a few things. The biggest problem is that the film is so dull. It feels so standard, like it's fulfilling a checklist of stuff without much excitement to it. The movie has one sword fight, and it's at the end of the movie, but by the time you get to the end you'll either be asleep or won't care. The actors are just okay, it's a shame that Lee is wasted in this movie, stuck in a ridiculous haircut that makes him look like Moe from the Three Stooges and an eye patch from your local dollar store. The pirates are the most interesting characters as our main character is just boring, and so is the rest of the non pirate cast. The action is sparse, but there sure is a good deal of dialogue. They do have a sword fight between two pirates...blindfolded, which sounds fun for about 2 minutes. This is just a mediocre/boring film that is just a disappointment. Stick to better pirate movies. Countdown to 600: 10, 9, 8, 7...
Overall, I give it 5 out of 10 stars.