February 15, 2014

Movie Night: Valentine.

Review #543: Valentine.

David Boreanaz (Adam Carr), Denise Richards (Paige Prescott), Marley Shelton (Kate Davies), Jessica Capshaw (Dorothy Wheeler), Jessica Cauffiel (Lily Voigh), Katherine Heigl (Shelley Fisher), Hedy Burress (Ruthie Walker), Fulvio Cecere (Detective Leon Vaughn), Daniel Cosgrove (Campbell Morris), and Johnny Whitworth (Max Raimi) Directed by Jamie Blanks.

So yeah, I hope everyone had a decent Friday, regardless of the harbinger of annoyance, Valentine's Day. So in (dis) honor of the so called holiday, I'm reviewing a movie...called Valentine. At least I'm not reviewing Valentine's Day (or My Bloody Valentine), so there's that. So yeah, a slasher film that has some relation with a holiday, clearly such an original concept (Except for some other films with holiday relation like Black Christmas, April Fool's Day, Thanksgiving (A trailer, but still), Halloween, etc.), too bad the movie stinks. The cast don't work well with each other, and they aren't interesting to watch, since what's the point when it's certain that all of them have a 99-100% of dying. The characters themselves are stale, unlikable (except for Shelton's character, but still not enough to save the movie), and disposable. The movie might've been better if their were comedic elements, but now I'm just thinking of Scream. The killer himself isn't really threatening, he just trudges around, wearing a mask that while I know is a Cupid's mask (real clever), isn't really scary, just laughable. Boreanaz is probably the only notable actor (Unless of course you've never watched Angel or Bones, like me, in that case the only notable actor is Denise Richards, for The World Is Not Enough), and he actually does try in this film, though it's not enough. The movie is never scary, given that since it's easily predictable where the killer is and when the characters will die, there's no suspense. You'd think I'd care that the killer actually gets away with the murders, but given the dull nature of the movie and its lack of surprises of who the killer was, it's best to forget the movie, but not before trashing it.

Overall, I give it 3 out of 10 stars.

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