October 14, 2013

Movie Night: The Magic Voyage.


Review #467: The Magic Voyage.

Cast
Dom DeLuise (Christopher Columbus), Corey Feldman (Pico), Irene Cara (Marilyn), Dan Haggerty (The Swarm Lord / King Ferdinand IV), Mickey Rooney (Narrator), and Samantha Eggar (Queen Isabella) Directed by Michael Schoemann.

Review
The director stated (I kid you not) that this film was "intended to be a film about the discovery of America (Side note: I wonder what the Vikings would say about this...) from a more satirical view in order to differentiate ourselves clearly from the lofty views of history so we can present Columbus as a lovable, charming and befuddled scholar." The film was made in 1992 originally for German audiences as Die Abenteuer von Pico und Columbus (The Adventures of Pico and Columbus), as it would be later dubbed in English twice, being released in 1993, just around the 500th anniversary of Columbus' voyage, in which he landed in the Bahamas (as he never actually landed in North America). Given my day off for Columbus Day (which makes me wonder why it's only for Columbus and not for other explorers like Magellan, Ericson, or even explorers in space), I decided to review this.

Why did I talk so much about the film's history? Because I can't decide which is weirder, the film or its history. The main question of the film can be thought of almost immediately after starting to watch this film, and the question is: When did the film get so crazy? Likely answers would be either when Columbus speaks to the woodworm, the fact that a woodworm knows the Earth is round, when the Swarm Lord (No I am not making this up) is introduced, or...all of the above. Halfway through, I started wondering if 1492: Conquest of Paradise or Carry On Columbus would've been better or worse then this, but I'm sure someone else has already answered that for me. The dubbing is notably ad libbed, but not even Dom Deluise can brighten up the film. The animation is poor at times, resembling more of a television movie then an actual motion picture. Trying to mention the inaccuracies that the film has would take way too long to write, and writing so much isn't something I try to do all the time, because I've always assumed no one likes reading a wall of text without some breathing room. You may wonder if there are any redeemable factors in this film, and...there isn't. The terrible animation, the even worse dubbing, the fact this was even made, and just the inane nature of this whole film. Fittingly, the film ends with Columbus musing that there will be a city made on the place they landed in, which turns out to be...New York City. Such a inaccurate statement for such a terrible film. I'd give this film a negative rating if I had to, but since I can't, this film gets to join Birdemic: Shock and Terror and The Garbage Pail Kids Movie in such a non-prestigious honor.

Overall, I give it 0 out of 10 stars.

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